fucking asshole

I went to a campfire drinking thing on Saturday. This guy N invited me from my work. We've flirted, a lot, and I thought maybe we'd go further than just words. I held back, being around ppl idk, unsure of whats acceptable in this group. He has me sitting next to him, we get closer, our fingers touch, but he doesn't go grab my hand, so I get up and get another drink. When I came back some ppl where asking him about Rachel. I have NO clue who she is but listen and pretend not to care. Then someone says congratulations on your engagement! To make it worse, the girls there were wispering to each other. Very immature! Anyway, it was obviously about me and N.I play it cool, wait 30 min, then go home.
Today we were txting all morning and he asks me if I want to have lunch with him. I told him I already ate, but would meet him there. We talked about dumb nothing stuff, he went back to work, I got ready for work.
I wanted to confront him about his fiance or say something about him being a douche! Work was busy, I avoided him.

I want to be numb again....
to waste away
to care more about calories & my weight than anything else.....

I've lost 4lbs! The size 6 pants I bought last week are falling of me :-)

I don't want to think anymore tonight
~C~