G & B, drugs, and phone calls

The owners of the residential treatment center "G" and "B" have become friends of the family. B, the mom, came to my high school graduation and their family came to my wedding last year! I reached out to them for support after I left my husband. We had a few phone conversations, G took me out to have drink, and talk about everything.
I felt loved, needed, accepted, and hopeful
....but I ended everything.
I surrounded myself with new "friends" Ha! More like users, using each other to avoid whatever lay below the surface! Getting stoned everyday, always looking for more, getting more, telling lies to feed these addictions. At first it was just weed and alcohol, but I gained weight so I switched to crystals.
Watching the flame create a puddle in the glass bowl, waiting for the white cloud to swirl around, breathe it in, and blow out a white cloud. The bigger the cloud, the more intense the high, the cycle continues.
I'm always high on something! I can't stop because I don't want to. My sister notices, confronts me, I don't deny it, and she becomes my solace. When I'm coming down, we smoke some weed, calming my jitters and paranoia. She's a recovered tweeker and is the only one I trust.
I was high when we celebrated my mom's bday. I felt horrible! If she knew, she would be crushed. My mind was scattered.... It became harder to get high...needles were offered, "cheese," E, somehow I said no. Instead I drove to get more shards! I was broke...i screwed him and got what I wanted.
This is when you fall til you crash.
This is when you become someone else.
Your name is erased and you are known as a tweeker, easy, dirty, whore
This is when I decided to move. My sister said she would tell someone if I didn't move and sober up. 5 days later, I moved 4 states away.
I dealt with withdrawals by embracing my ed. Mia took over first, typical since it's the one I've had the longest, then exercise, and now I'm restricting. Still avoiding, still scared, but I have a name now! :-) I have a full-time position at a retail store, and I've been sober for 5wks.

Before I moved, I wrote a letter to G&B telling them I was doing drugs and needed to move. G called me right away, I didn't answer, he left a message saying they care about me, hope everything goes well, and they all love me. I was too anxious to answer. B called me a week ago, left a message saying she was thinking about me, wanted to talk, wondered how I'm doing, and loves me. They both asked me to give them a call! I haven't, yet.
I've developed this new fear of talking on the phone. I put my phone on silent or turn it off. I used to talk to everyone, especially G&B. I wanted them to care! To call! To know I'm loved by them! But now....I can't bring myself to call back.
What's wrong with me??
~~~~~~~~~~food update~~~~~~~
Apple 80cal
Crackers 100cal
Dinner
Lean Cuisine meal: 260
banana: 105
Total: 545
burned: 170
~~~~~4hrs later~~~~~~
mine binge! :-S
toast with light butter: 160
single serving of trailmix: 130

End of the day total= 665